Cut Short: Star Wars Episode II Attack of the Clones (2002)

Watching Attack of the Clones is almost impossible. The whole film feels like an experiment to see just how boring they could make it and still make money because it’s called Star Wars. Everything from dialogue, to delivery, to boring practical sets and even worse CGI backdrops just blends together to make one of the most painful movies to sit through that I have recently witnessed.

Even fan favourite actors of the prequel trilogy, and good actors in their own right, like Ian McDiarmid, Samuel L. Jackson and Ewan McGregor utterly fail to bring even a smidge of personality to this film. The only person’s efforts I felt were shown were those of Christopher Lee who unfortunately has such little screentime and development that even he can’t bring anything too interesting to the table, beyond his body double fighting a very small green man for two minutes in the finale.

All this coupled with the film’s plot completely banking on the two worst actors by far, Hayden Christiansen and Natalie Portman (who also go through the world’s pain-inducingly cringe romantic subplot ever put of cinema), and you’ve got a film that will bore you to death unless you’re a small child who fast-forwards to when two completely CGI, expendable armies fight.

Of course I don’t recommend this film under any circumstances at all. Held at gunpoint? Better off letting the guy put you out of your misery than him subjecting you to this. Hell, looking down the barrel of a gun might not be the most advantageous position to find yourself in life, but at least it’ll make you feel something. Unlike this movie. I am not exaggerating when I say this might make the list of worst movies I’ve personally had to sit through, and I can’t understand what my childhood self loved about it at all.

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